Knock, Knock (2015)

Knock, Knock (2015) (see below for trailer and preview images)

Directed by Eli Roth
Written by Eli Roth, Guillermo Amoedo, Nicolâs Lôpez
 
Starring:
Keanu Reeves, Ana de Armas, Lorenza Izzo, Aaron Burns,
Ignacia Allamand, Colleen Camp
 
Budget $2M                Box Office $6.3M
 
IMDb 5.6/10                Rotten Tomatoes 36%                        Metacritic 53/100

As most of you probably already know, I don’t usually agree with the genius and super-qualified folks at Rotten Tomatoes (if you read that with sarcasm, that’s okay with me).  I don’t know what kind of credentials you have to have to be an actual “critic” as opposed to just one of us lowly “viewers” on that site but, let’s face it, those wise and educated few just don’t have a taste for horror on any level.  Therefore, yet again, we seem to disagree on the entertainment value of this film.
 
I found the whole idea behind the general plot to this movie absolutely, without a doubt, 100% entertaining. I think most women would.  On the flip side of that, I think that it would equally scare the crap out of most men, at least in the way of a quick thought zipping through the mind.
 
One of the oldest clichés in the history of sex between men and women is the legendary fantasy of one man and two women.  Even greater than that would be some sort of outrageously fortuitous situation where say, two sexy chicks with great bodies knocked on the front door one rainy night in need of assistance.  (Does that sound like a horrible porn scene set up or what?!?!)  Of course, any sane and single man would answer the door, let these lovely and needy respectable ladies in, have the time of his life and then, in the morning, write to Penthouse Forum and tell them all about it (Do men still do that?  Does Penthouse still take written letters like that?  Or is it just straight to the social media with pics and video now?  I know.  I’m behind in the times, I admit it and I don’t care.  But writing to Penthouse used to be the big joke about stuff like that.  Okay, history lesson over and moving onto this century…)
 
In this film, we have Evan Webber.  A successful architect recovering from shoulder surgery.  Evan is married to an enthusiastic gallery artist, Karen. Together, they live with their two young children in a modern house that is full of family photos and peculiar and gaudy pieces of art (so not my taste but, I’m sure it appeals to some), thanks to the artistic talents of the wife.  We happen to meet the family on Father’s Day weekend.  Karen and the kids are going to the beach house for the weekend. Unfortunately, Evan has to stay home for a physical therapy appointment and to finish a work project.  
 
So, Evan sees the family off and gets to work.  Later, he stops to take a break and smoke some weed.  He loads his bowl and is about to light it (with his Zippo, eye roll please) and he hears someone at his door.
 
When he opens the door, he sees the epitome of what most men would describe as the beginning of a fantastic freakin’ night.  Two chicks, look to be very early twenties, skimpy clothes that are soaking wet and clingy to their bodies.  After a little awkwardness and a few smiles they explain that their cab just dropped them off and they are looking for a particular house that is supposed to be having a party.  He explains he doesn’t know where the people by that name live but, they are welcome to come in and use his phone. (Of course they are.)
 
Instead, they ask if they can come in and use his computer to get on their Facebook to get the address of the party.  One girl, Genesis, says her phone got wet and won’t work now and the other girl, Bel, apparently left her phone at the supposed house.  So, Evan, being the nice guy that he is, allows them to come in and gets them each a towel and hands them and iPad.  (Does it not seem like a red flag to anyone else that these chicks want to use a computer and not just a phone?  I’m sorry but I’m not letting some stranger come in my house and get on my computer.  Hello dumbass???)
 
So, they come in and use the iPad.  They figure out that the cabbie misunderstood the street name they said and that they are way out of their way.  Once again, Evan to the rescue and nice guy orders them an Uber.  The only catch is that because of the killer rain outside, it’s going to be about 45 minutes until the car gets there.  You can tell this makes Evan a little uneasy but, it’s okay. He’ll just mingle and entertain his new guests for a little bit until their ride arrives.
 
But then the girls ask if they can put their soaking clothes in the dryer.  (Are you kidding??? NO!!!)  They say they don’t want to show up to the party all wet.  Evan can’t seem to help himself, he says yes and gets them some spare bathrobes to put on.  They bring him their clothes and he hands them cups of tea (or coffee) while he goes to the dryer.
 
Then he has no choice but to sit and chat.  And chat they do.  These girls are very open…about everything.  They mostly want to talk about sex.  They are obviously trying to get his brain on that track of thinking. And poor Evan.  He’s doing his very best to remain faithful and be a good husband.  He changes the subject and tries to brush off their blatant flirting.  But, this guy is being seriously double-teamed.  And these girls are relentless.
 
As minutes tick by, the girls get more brazen.  Eventually, Genesis asks to use the bathroom.  While she is in there, Bel makes her move on Evan, who is barely keeping his wits about him at this point.  And just when he thinks all hope for self-control is lost, the Uber driver messages to let him know he’s there.  Bel says she’ll go get Genesis and Evan thankfully says he’ll go grab their clothes.
 
But, when he gets to the bathroom, he can hear the girls laughing…and they won’t answer him or open the door.  Finally, he gets annoyed and he opens the door to give them their clothes.  There, he finds them completely naked, in the tub AND the shower (they are separate, it’s a nice bathroom) and they are all soaped up and ready to go for him.  He asks them to get dressed.  Then he tells them to get dressed.  They refuse. They start to taunt him, kissing him, pawing all over him, until he can no longer resist.  And then it’s on like Donkey Kong.
 
After a wild and crazy night of unadulterated debauchery, he wakes to find his bedroom and bathroom empty. He seems relieved, thinking the girls are gone (thank God) and then he looks at his phone, realizing he has missed messages from his wife.  He quickly responds and then goes downstairs.  He gets to the kitchen and finds both girls still there, in the robes, in his kitchen, well what’s left of his kitchen.  These girls clearly skipped taking Home-Ec in school (if they even went to school).  The kitchen looks like a cyclone hit it.  (I’ve seen 5 year olds cook that don’t make messes that big.)  They are also feeding the family dog (an incredibly adorable little black dog, I have no idea what kind) human food, which is obviously a big no-no.  As Evan expresses his desire for them to leave they start to become very evasive and defiant.  They begin to act like small children.  Evan begins to get frustrated and eventually threatens to call the police.
 
This is when things really start to get weird.  And bad. Very bad.  When he dials 911, Genesis tells him that she and Bel are underage and that he had sex with minors, therefore he’s a pedophile and that the cops would probably be very interested in that.  So, Evan hangs up.  He recalls to her that the night before, they had told him they were flight attendants and traveled the world and blah blah blah.  Genesis says none of it was true and now he’s basically screwed.
 
This is where their whole attitude changes and thus begins a long, semi-combative confrontation about whether or not these girls are going to leave, who out of the three is the whore (he offered them money to leave everything alone and just go away) and they start to destroy his wife’s artwork around the house, doodling on certain pieces with Sharpie marker.  At one point, his physical therapist even comes to the door and Genesis, who he told to stay out of sight, comes up behind him and makes it known that she is there for HIS pleasure.  The therapist has a hissy fit and takes off.
 
Evan finally gets to a point where he’s had enough and calls the police, reporting a break in. Genesis hangs up the phone on him (it’s a real landline phone) and asks if he can drive them.  He drops them at a house and speeds off, he doesn’t see that they never go inside the home.  Evan heads back home and now has the pleasant task of cleaning up the horrible mess these two whack jobs made in his house.  Then, he goes back to work, hoping to forget about his bad decision, the horrible morning after and the regrets that followed.
 
Once again, while he’s working he hears something downstairs.  So, he goes to investigate.  (Apparently, he’s never watched a horror movie.)  Downstairs he finds a family portrait photo on the floor, broken.  Just as worry and panic starts to hit him, something hard hits him over the head.
 
He wakes to find himself tied to his bed and Genesis riffling through Karen’s makeup, doing some sort of psycho Cruella Deville look with her eye shadow.  Now, we get into the realm of disturbing, folks.  Bel comes in wearing one of Evan’s daughter’s school uniforms.  It looks like the typical Catholic school uniform.  Evan is livid and demands she take it off.  Bel loosely interprets that as he wants her to get on top of him and remove her underwear, so that’s what she does.  
 
Then, she starts going on and on about how much she loves Evan, calling him Daddy an unhealthy number of times and in a VERY unhealthy manner.  She starts recalling to him the first time she was molested by her father as if HE was her father.  She’s talking to him like he’s her Dad and she’s saying she’s sorry for what she did to Mommy but she wanted them to be together.  All kinds of twisted and sick stuff, I’m not kidding.  If by this time in the movie you thought these girls had issues, here you realize they are so beyond issues, I don’t even know what the mental health profession would call it besides psychopathic.
 
As she is blathering on about love and Evan, she is making it known she wants to have sex.  Evan makes it known he does not want to have sex. But, just then, his wife calls on FaceTime and he is forced to make a decision.  He can either bend to Bel’s will and do what she says OR they can answer the FaceTime call with his pants down and the two of them on screen.  He opts for option one.  So, while Bel is on top of him getting her way, Genesis starts to record the act on HIS phone, props it on the dresser and leaves to go get something to eat.  
 
During this round of romping, Evan is able to get a hand free and uses it to connect with Bel’s face with enough force to launch her off of him and send her to the floor.  He frees the rest of his limbs and takes off down the hall while Bel is laying on the floor holding her cheek and making the oddest puppy whimpering whining sound I have ever come out of a human being.
 
As he heads down the hallway, he sees Genesis about to munch on a piece of chocolate cake while in one of his wife’s dresses.  He yells at her and rushes her, knocking her down.  They struggle but, Genesis quickly gets the upper hand when she stabs Evan in his recovering shoulder right in his surgical scar (if you’ve never had fresh scar tissue severed, it’s very painful).  He passes out from the pain right after Bel comes and lets him know that they have to punish him for hitting her.
 
This time when he wakes up he is tied to a chair.  Genesis and Bel are both in fancier clothes and Genesis is acting out the part of game show host for her game “Who Wants to be a Pedophile?”  In this game, Genesis asks Evan questions and if he answers wrong or she doesn’t like his answers, they put headphones on him and blast his ears with a horrific high pitched static like screeching noise that he screams will make him go deaf.
 
By the time we get to question two, “How many family men have survived this game?”, it becomes painfully obvious that these two are serial killers and have no intention of leaving him alive.  But, the horror is truly just beginning.
 
THE END
 
Now, as much as I REALLY want to tell you all what happens, I don’t want to ruin anything.  And this movie didn’t come out all that long ago so, I definitely don’t want to give anything away.  It’s not like this film is decades old like some other ones I have reviewed.
 
I really liked this movie. I thought it was totally hysterical how the whole “every guy’s fantasy” turned out to go completely awry for this guy. You do start to feel bad for him though. I mean, he really did try to get them to leave before they practically glued their moved to his johnson.  I guess a guy can only refuse so much.
 
There were certainly parts of the story that I found nothing short of absolutely disturbing.  That chick Bel, she’s wicked obsessed with her pedophilic father.  This girl’s love map is violently skewed off course.  So is Genesis’s love map.  These girls seem to see themselves as some sort of pedophile victim vigilantes.
 
There was one point in the film where they show these two pop-tarts digging a grave in the backyard. I’m supposed to believe that these two twisted twits are able to dig a full size grave that is over two feet deep and at least three feet wide by oh, five feet long in less than two hours and that they did it with absolute ease?!?!?!  Not even!!!!  These two chicks probably couldn’t dig that in two days let alone two hours…look at their arms!  I highly doubt that these two psychotic clowns have an easier time digging a grave than most men.  (Even in Goodfellasthere were three of them and it took them all night to bury a body.)  
 
There’s also another part where I guess I am expected to believe that these two chippies are able to lift over 200lbs of dead weight and hall it up to waist level to put it into the back of a van.  Not happening.  Even if they were on steroids and PCP, not happening.
 
Other than those few unlikely details, I liked this movie a lot.  I found it funny, quick moving and there were even things that surprised me. It’s not all predictable.  There are also some serious WOW moments where you are like “Damn! That’s messed up!” 
 
I did find the girls just a tiny bit annoying at a couple various points in the movie but I think that goes with the psychological profile they were trying to portray in the story.  I feel that the women did a pretty damn good job at playing a couple of nutty and whacked out misguided abuse victims who have lost touch with reality and the line between right and wrong.  I would definitely recommend this to horror fans but, mostly to the fans of psychological thrillers and mind-twist kind of movies.
 
RATINGS
4/5 Stars