Fear of Clowns (2004)

Wow.  This is absolutely one of the worst movies I have ever seen.  The filming was bad, the acting was worse and the clowns were terrible.  Our main clown seems to idolize Michael Myers and his weird stare where he leans his head slightly to the side as he watches his victims die.  Only one slasher killer can pull that off and it isn’t this guy.

This movie was written and directed by Kevin Kangas.  I wish he would have tried harder.  But, then again, the extra effort may have made it worse.

This film, and I use that term in its loosest sense, is an hour and forty-six minutes long.  At the hour mark I was so over it I could barely get through the rest.

It’s obvious they tried to build suspense and if the filming and editing had been better they may have been successful.  The victims don’t look frightened enough.  The kills are bland and lacking in the slasher gore we’ve grown to love.  The blood is such a vibrant and almost orange red that it is entirely unbelievable.  It looks more like food coloring.  They’ve got the color wrong, the flow and arterial spray wrong, just everything. In fact, pretty much all of the special effects were poorly done, in my opinion.

The acting is so bad and corny in this movie I can’t even say that it qualifies as “B” rate.  There’s a few moments of comedy relief and there’s a more than a few moments of “dear killer, let’s get on with it, sincerely, the audience”.  You seriously wait the whole movie for then last maybe, ten minutes, and even then, it’s not as if it’s satisfying. 

I won’t bore you with the specifics but, the basic story is a woman is stalked by a clown that her shrink husband is supposedly treating AND a hitman that he has hired to kill her.  And she is an artist who paints clowns. 

So, yeah, that’s pretty much it.  Like I said, not a lot to write home about on this one.  Thankfully, I’ve watched it and won’t have to ever again.  That’s an hour and forty-six minutes I’ll NEVER get back.  The only thing I fear after this movie is the fact that they made a sequel.

RATINGS
1/5 Stars